Domestic Violence

I am going to spend the next several weeks writing about domestic violence. I was a victim of domestic violence with my first husband, “L”. I escaped with my children and the clothes on back. Literally. No one really believed me, and still to this day I think some members of my family believe I am telling stories about it.

Many women find themselves in this situation. The lucky ones make it out. There have been many families in our local news where the husband has killed the family and then himself.

My wake up call was when a teacher that I worked with at Head Start was murdered by her husband who died three days later after committing suicide. The night she died I was on my way to a potluck that she and her family would be at. L was following behind me and I accidently rear-ended the car in front of me who stopped suddenly. L jumped out of his car and the first words out of his mouth were

“You stupid bitch, you ruined our van”

He didn’t care about the kids or my well being.

Then 2 days later I found out that my co-worker was killed by her husband. I had to teach one of the 3 children they left behind the following year in my class. I vowed I would not let it happen to me or my children.

It was then that I realized that I needed to leave. I was not safe. I began making plans to leave. Every attempt I made L would call the police and tell them I stole his car. When I tried to talk to him civilly about leaving he would tell me that if I left him he would not let me take the kids. He said if I took the kids he would tell the police I was kidnapping them. If we were fighting and I attempted to leave he would choke me until my face was purple and dig his nails into the veins in my neck. Sometimes he would yank my by my hair and throw me to the ground and kick me until I begged him over and over to stop.

I did leave him 6 months later. At first I left without the kids until I learned my legal rights. Then I went back and got my kids and moved 2000 miles away. The bastard followed me here. He even applied to work at my company. He didn’t get the job, luckily.

I have been having nightmares about the 8 years I was with him. I need to heal. I want to help anyone in a similar situation. This is my way of healing my past.

To my regular readers, please bear with me the next few weeks. I will get back to my normal writing. I promise. I have to do this for now. I will go over all the signs of a domestic abuser.