I am a Liar from the Pits of Hell!

7th_Deciple

Yesterday I woke up extremely tired and I updated my facebook status saying I wasn’t sure how I would make it through a crazy day. Little did I know when I wrote that just how crazy it was about to get.

I work collections, and while I get called the occasional name about not having a heart, I can pretty much shrug it off and help people who really want help. Most people are just embarrassed that they have a collector calling them and want to get us off the phone and take care of making a payment arrangement as quickly as possible.

My first call of the day was a woman who was extremely upset because my company had transferred money out of her bank account to pay her past due account. I explained very graciously to her that she agreed when she got the money to have money transferred from her bank account to pay her past due account to avoid getting reported to the credit bureu and late fees.

Of course the woman doesn’t remember ever authorizing this and is demanding her money NOW. Our company policy allows that when members call ahead of time and make a payment arrangement, then we can give them their money back as long as something is set up to pay before the account goes over 30 days past due. I went through her notes, and she did call, but wasn’t about to make an arrangement.

I read her the exact note on the account and she said that I was in “cahoots” with whomever put the note on the account and then said I was a Liar from the Pits of Hell. I started laughing and asked her if she really just called me that…she got even angrier and said she did and God would reap hell fire on me and on my life. That just made me laugh even harder and I thanked her for making my day.

She hung up on me before I could Thank her for spreading her Christian light to me today.

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Jesus lusts me?

I have made no secret about my job as a collector. Most of my day is spent leaving stupid messages on peoples machines that they will go and delete later. Part of the fun of my job is hearing the original voicemail messages and ringtones people choose to use.

I have come accross some fun ones, but one today struck my funny bone.

After telling me what to do after the beep, the lady says “And remember, He is PASSIONATE for you….”

First off it is pretty scary to tell your bill collector that someone is passionate for them….

I am still unsure of who HE is…. but apparently someone is passionate for me…. of course my husband is when it’s not Thanksgiving week…. but how would this strange person I don’t even know how passionate he is for me????

So I realized she must mean Jesus… maybe. But still…. Passionate? I got images of the bearded man in a robe giving me bedroom eyes and I about fell to the floor convulsing about what may come next…. That was my spiritual moment of the year.

What an interesting choice of words….passionate. So, I was told by a complete stranger, that Jesus lusts me. Great. It’s hard enough to fight off the ugly men, but the holy one as well?

Remember He is PASSIONATE for you…. lol!

Stories from a Bill Collector

My job is that of a trainer. I am not ashamed to tell the world that I train adults. I love to teach adults. It is what I train that I keep secret.

I train people to be “Delinquency Control Counselors” (aka Bill Collectors)

My secret is out.

I train people to be those bastids most of us hide from, avoid, wish death on.

The last month our company stopped hiring. They asked people to volunteer to go back out on the floor to work as delinquency control counselors or they would choose who would go. I volunteered.

I am really glad I did. I have had so many “fun” calls. I would like to share some of my favorites over the years….

1. My first day back on the job some crazy lady began screaming like a banshee when I simply asked if she knew her account was delinquent. She told me she hoped my whole family drown in rat poison before she hung up on me. I laughed about her the rest of the day.

2. A little old lady didn’t realize her credit card was past due and was very unsure about making a payment over the phone and giving her checking account information. She had me answer a series of questions about her account to “prove” I was from the company and not some freak trying to steal her information. She never did make her payment because I couldn’t answer who her mother’s maiden name was. Before hanging up, she told me that her husband and her LOVE to use the card to make purchases over the internet! 😯

3. A young guy begged and cried for me to give him back the payment our system automatically took out of his bank account so he could feed his sick baby formula. I felt sorry for the guy, and I gave him back $60.00 to get some diapers and formula. The next day I checked his bank account and discovered he spent the money at a “no tell motel”. Nice.

4. A young guy who was past due on his car note and ready to get repossessed asked if “I” his bill collector would hold off on repossessing his car. “Why would I do that?” I asked him… ” So I can take you out on a date in it before we have to walk to the movies”….He has never seen me. He has only spoken to me over the phone…. besides, who would ask out their bill collector? “Well, if you have enough money to take me out to the movies, you have money to pay your bill” I reminded him.

These are just a few of the things I see. I really love my job and I love when I can do something good for people who are really struggling. I am really not so mean most of the time.

80’s Monday

80’s Monday

You can view other participant’s entries here:

This video represents what I am doing in my life right now…. However when I watched it, I burned many calories just laughing at it!!!!:

October 6, 2008

“Let’s Get Physical” by Olivia Newton John

1982

Here is a link if the video doesn’t work…

An added bonus for those of you who like to sing…. LYRICS

I’m saying all the things that I know you’ll like,
Makin’ good conversation
I gotta handle you just right,
You know what I mean
I took you to an intimate restaurant,
Then to a suggestive movie
There’s nothin’ left to talk about,
Unless it’s horizontally

Let’s get physical, physical,
I wanna get physical, let’s get into physical
Let me hear your body talk,
Your body talk, let me hear your body talk

I’ve been patient, I’ve been good,
Tried to keep my hands on the table
It’s gettin’ hard this holdin’ back,
You know what I mean
I’m sure you’ll understand my point of view,
We know each other mentally
You gotta know that you’re bringin’ out
The animal in me

Let’s get animal, animal,
I wanna get animal, let’s get into animal
Let me hear your body talk,
Your body talk, let me hear your body talk

I has a lol dog!

I got a great photo that I submitted to icanhashotdog.com . Please go there to vote for our dog Poppy and Mr. Athletic….

The effect of music…

I came across this at one of my favorite daily reads…. and I nearly fell out of my seat. His is animated and I can’t seem to get the animation to work on mine, but….still worth seeing.

**** WARNING THIS IS NOT SAFE FOR WORK ******

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Kids say the funniest things….

This conversation happened at my house less than 10 minutes ago. I had to get it down before I forgot.

I am in the bathroom

Me: Can someone get me a tampon and pad please?

Ms. Artistic: I got it mom

Mr. Athletic: (incredulously, in the distance) Mom needs a pad and a tampon?????

Baby Girl: Yes, sometimes girls need both

Ms. Artistic: (handing me the stuff) let me guess, you started your period today right mom?

Me: (mumbling) no dear, I love stuffing packed cotton up my cunt for fun

Mr. Athletic: I thought pads were for girls and tampons were for boys…

Baby Girl: Mooooooomm, Our brother is acting crazy again!!!!

Me: He’s your brother…

Baby Girl: What does that mean? He is your son!