I am a Liar from the Pits of Hell!


Yesterday I woke up extremely tired and I updated my facebook status saying I wasn’t sure how I would make it through a crazy day. Little did I know when I wrote that just how crazy it was about to get.

I work collections, and while I get called the occasional name about not having a heart, I can pretty much shrug it off and help people who really want help. Most people are just embarrassed that they have a collector calling them and want to get us off the phone and take care of making a payment arrangement as quickly as possible.

My first call of the day was a woman who was extremely upset because my company had transferred money out of her bank account to pay her past due account. I explained very graciously to her that she agreed when she got the money to have money transferred from her bank account to pay her past due account to avoid getting reported to the credit bureu and late fees.

Of course the woman doesn’t remember ever authorizing this and is demanding her money NOW. Our company policy allows that when members call ahead of time and make a payment arrangement, then we can give them their money back as long as something is set up to pay before the account goes over 30 days past due. I went through her notes, and she did call, but wasn’t about to make an arrangement.

I read her the exact note on the account and she said that I was in “cahoots” with whomever put the note on the account and then said I was a Liar from the Pits of Hell. I started laughing and asked her if she really just called me that…she got even angrier and said she did and God would reap hell fire on me and on my life. That just made me laugh even harder and I thanked her for making my day.

She hung up on me before I could Thank her for spreading her Christian light to me today.


The soup that almost was….

My husband is the cook of our home because he likes to do it. As such he is also the grocery shopper.

Saturday I had to work all day so my parents offered to come over to take my kids to their games. When I spoke with them on Friday I told them not to worry about lunch because we would make something special for them. Usually my husband takes these things into account and comes to me later and will ask me what I want to fix for such occasion. This time, he didn’t.

I came home Friday night exhausted knowing I would have to get up at 5 am on Saturday again and my mind completely forgot to ask the Cat Juggler what we could make for my parents for lunch. The Cat Juggler looked worse than I did and went to bed early Friday night.

As I was climbing up the stairs at 10 pm to get into bed I remembered what I had told my parents about lunch on Saturday. I got to the kitchen and searched the shelves, cabinets, everything for something to make for lunch. Everything was bare. I couldn’t even find the Ramen Soup the kids usually eat for lunch.

I ran into the bedroom and asked my husband what he was planning for lunch the next day and he said he hadn’t thought about it. He had to get to work at the same time I did on Saturday. We were screwed. I started freaking out trying to think of what to make, knowing I had to get to bed soon.

My sweet husband decided to get out of bed, go get some groceries, and make some vegetable soup for the next day. I told him to go back to bed, I could do that just as easily, but he saw how upset I had already made myself and kindly insisted that he could do it quicker than having to write out a list for me to go. I reluctantly agreed. I asked my daughter about the missing Ramen Soup and she showed me where they were keeping it, so I had her call the Cat Juggler to let him know that he didn’t need to get Ramen soup for the kids for the weeks snacks.

When we got up the next morning I could smell the wonderful vegetable soup cooking in the crock pot and we turned it to warm so it would be perfect for lunch. Off to work we went.

About 1pm I called home to see how everything was going. I asked my daughter how my parents liked the soup. She said they didn’t have soup, they had chili… I was confused. She said that they heated up the left over chili and the kids had Ramen soup… they had grilled cheese sandwhiches with their meal….

I guess she thought the vegetable soup was for our supper that night so she never offered the soup to my parents. Instead they had to scrounge the refrigerator for my leftovers. I felt awful I told her to tell my parents that they could have the soup, it was meant for them. They were full. I felt horrible, after all we went through the night before and then they didn’t even eat it lol.

My husband knows I am not a fan of his vegetable soup so he made us all manwhiches for dinner Saturday night deciding that they would have the vegetable soup for lunch today while I was at work. Again I called home around lunch and asked my husband how the soup was. He said the kids were eating Macaroni and Cheese. I asked why they weren’t eating the soup. Well, he said. We would if one of us remembered to put it in the refrigerator last night…. now it is bad and no one can eat it.

I started laughing. All that drama for soup that no one would eat. Nice.

Boys are so silly!!!

My job as a bill collector requires me to call lots and lots of people. Everyone reacts differently when they are called. A lot of people just hang the phone up. Of course those people get called triple the amount of the people who actually answer their phones. It is in the system. Others just sit there and don’t say anything, waiting for me to say “Hello” first. Some realize they don’t recognize my voice then and hang up(still generating even more calls to their home), others will actually talk to me. Most just screen their calls and let the voice mail get it.

I have noticed that when single guys in their twenties answer the phone and discover a female on the other end…well… they get curious. You can almost hear the bored “Hello” and then when I ask for them by name you can hear the excitement in their voice…”Yea this is him…who is this?” At which point I tell them the company I am calling from and that they are past due on their account. The bored voice is back for the rest of the call. Sometimes it turns to irritated voice because I “caught” them.

I always have to laugh when that happens. Of course, girls can be funny too.  I love getting the jealous wife… “He’s not here but I would love to know who you are and why your calling him…” Happens at least 5 times a day.

People are funny.

Jesus lusts me?

I have made no secret about my job as a collector. Most of my day is spent leaving stupid messages on peoples machines that they will go and delete later. Part of the fun of my job is hearing the original voicemail messages and ringtones people choose to use.

I have come accross some fun ones, but one today struck my funny bone.

After telling me what to do after the beep, the lady says “And remember, He is PASSIONATE for you….”

First off it is pretty scary to tell your bill collector that someone is passionate for them….

I am still unsure of who HE is…. but apparently someone is passionate for me…. of course my husband is when it’s not Thanksgiving week…. but how would this strange person I don’t even know how passionate he is for me????

So I realized she must mean Jesus… maybe. But still…. Passionate? I got images of the bearded man in a robe giving me bedroom eyes and I about fell to the floor convulsing about what may come next…. That was my spiritual moment of the year.

What an interesting choice of words….passionate. So, I was told by a complete stranger, that Jesus lusts me. Great. It’s hard enough to fight off the ugly men, but the holy one as well?

Remember He is PASSIONATE for you…. lol!

Stories from a Bill Collector

My job is that of a trainer. I am not ashamed to tell the world that I train adults. I love to teach adults. It is what I train that I keep secret.

I train people to be “Delinquency Control Counselors” (aka Bill Collectors)

My secret is out.

I train people to be those bastids most of us hide from, avoid, wish death on.

The last month our company stopped hiring. They asked people to volunteer to go back out on the floor to work as delinquency control counselors or they would choose who would go. I volunteered.

I am really glad I did. I have had so many “fun” calls. I would like to share some of my favorites over the years….

1. My first day back on the job some crazy lady began screaming like a banshee when I simply asked if she knew her account was delinquent. She told me she hoped my whole family drown in rat poison before she hung up on me. I laughed about her the rest of the day.

2. A little old lady didn’t realize her credit card was past due and was very unsure about making a payment over the phone and giving her checking account information. She had me answer a series of questions about her account to “prove” I was from the company and not some freak trying to steal her information. She never did make her payment because I couldn’t answer who her mother’s maiden name was. Before hanging up, she told me that her husband and her LOVE to use the card to make purchases over the internet! 😯

3. A young guy begged and cried for me to give him back the payment our system automatically took out of his bank account so he could feed his sick baby formula. I felt sorry for the guy, and I gave him back $60.00 to get some diapers and formula. The next day I checked his bank account and discovered he spent the money at a “no tell motel”. Nice.

4. A young guy who was past due on his car note and ready to get repossessed asked if “I” his bill collector would hold off on repossessing his car. “Why would I do that?” I asked him… ” So I can take you out on a date in it before we have to walk to the movies”….He has never seen me. He has only spoken to me over the phone…. besides, who would ask out their bill collector? “Well, if you have enough money to take me out to the movies, you have money to pay your bill” I reminded him.

These are just a few of the things I see. I really love my job and I love when I can do something good for people who are really struggling. I am really not so mean most of the time.

I has a lol dog!

I got a great photo that I submitted to icanhashotdog.com . Please go there to vote for our dog Poppy and Mr. Athletic….

The effect of music…

I came across this at one of my favorite daily reads…. and I nearly fell out of my seat. His is animated and I can’t seem to get the animation to work on mine, but….still worth seeing.


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