Stories from a Bill Collector

My job is that of a trainer. I am not ashamed to tell the world that I train adults. I love to teach adults. It is what I train that I keep secret.

I train people to be “Delinquency Control Counselors” (aka Bill Collectors)

My secret is out.

I train people to be those bastids most of us hide from, avoid, wish death on.

The last month our company stopped hiring. They asked people to volunteer to go back out on the floor to work as delinquency control counselors or they would choose who would go. I volunteered.

I am really glad I did. I have had so many “fun” calls. I would like to share some of my favorites over the years….

1. My first day back on the job some crazy lady began screaming like a banshee when I simply asked if she knew her account was delinquent. She told me she hoped my whole family drown in rat poison before she hung up on me. I laughed about her the rest of the day.

2. A little old lady didn’t realize her credit card was past due and was very unsure about making a payment over the phone and giving her checking account information. She had me answer a series of questions about her account to “prove” I was from the company and not some freak trying to steal her information. She never did make her payment because I couldn’t answer who her mother’s maiden name was. Before hanging up, she told me that her husband and her LOVE to use the card to make purchases over the internet! 😯

3. A young guy begged and cried for me to give him back the payment our system automatically took out of his bank account so he could feed his sick baby formula. I felt sorry for the guy, and I gave him back $60.00 to get some diapers and formula. The next day I checked his bank account and discovered he spent the money at a “no tell motel”. Nice.

4. A young guy who was past due on his car note and ready to get repossessed asked if “I” his bill collector would hold off on repossessing his car. “Why would I do that?” I asked him… ” So I can take you out on a date in it before we have to walk to the movies”….He has never seen me. He has only spoken to me over the phone…. besides, who would ask out their bill collector? “Well, if you have enough money to take me out to the movies, you have money to pay your bill” I reminded him.

These are just a few of the things I see. I really love my job and I love when I can do something good for people who are really struggling. I am really not so mean most of the time.

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80’s Monday

80’s Monday

You can view other participant’s entries here:

This video represents what I am doing in my life right now…. However when I watched it, I burned many calories just laughing at it!!!!:

October 6, 2008

“Let’s Get Physical” by Olivia Newton John

1982

Here is a link if the video doesn’t work…

An added bonus for those of you who like to sing…. LYRICS

I’m saying all the things that I know you’ll like,
Makin’ good conversation
I gotta handle you just right,
You know what I mean
I took you to an intimate restaurant,
Then to a suggestive movie
There’s nothin’ left to talk about,
Unless it’s horizontally

Let’s get physical, physical,
I wanna get physical, let’s get into physical
Let me hear your body talk,
Your body talk, let me hear your body talk

I’ve been patient, I’ve been good,
Tried to keep my hands on the table
It’s gettin’ hard this holdin’ back,
You know what I mean
I’m sure you’ll understand my point of view,
We know each other mentally
You gotta know that you’re bringin’ out
The animal in me

Let’s get animal, animal,
I wanna get animal, let’s get into animal
Let me hear your body talk,
Your body talk, let me hear your body talk

The effect of music…

I came across this at one of my favorite daily reads…. and I nearly fell out of my seat. His is animated and I can’t seem to get the animation to work on mine, but….still worth seeing.

**** WARNING THIS IS NOT SAFE FOR WORK ******

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Kids say the funniest things….

This conversation happened at my house less than 10 minutes ago. I had to get it down before I forgot.

I am in the bathroom

Me: Can someone get me a tampon and pad please?

Ms. Artistic: I got it mom

Mr. Athletic: (incredulously, in the distance) Mom needs a pad and a tampon?????

Baby Girl: Yes, sometimes girls need both

Ms. Artistic: (handing me the stuff) let me guess, you started your period today right mom?

Me: (mumbling) no dear, I love stuffing packed cotton up my cunt for fun

Mr. Athletic: I thought pads were for girls and tampons were for boys…

Baby Girl: Mooooooomm, Our brother is acting crazy again!!!!

Me: He’s your brother…

Baby Girl: What does that mean? He is your son!