Save a Horse, Ride a Cal-Boy…

I am only writing about what happened tonight because I don’t ever want to forget it. I know that many of you may sit in judgement because of what I am about to write, I am OK with that.

I have always been very open sexually with my children. From a young age, if they had a question about something sexually, I made it a point to answer their question directly and not give them a vague answer(I was gonna say beat around the bush, but then I realized that sounded so wrong).

When they were younger, they would kinda blush and giggle, but it was obvious that their question was getting answered.

Now that they are pre-teens and teenagers, I have to say our disscussions have become much more open and honest, which leads to great talks, and really funny ones, like the one we had tonight.

So, a popular artist named Lady Gaga has a new song called “Love Game” out. The video is here if you want to hear it.

The very first part of the video goes like this:

Lets have some fun

This beat is sick

I want to take a ride on your disco stick

So we are on the way to church of all places, and we are discussing this song, and more specifically what the term “disco stick” actually is.

My 11 year old son pipes up from the back seat and asks “Do girls actually ride on boys?”

I respond honestly, “Yes honey, that is what she is talking about in this song, about a girl being on top riding the boy’s penis”

My son, without any shame yells at the top of his lungs:

“YEEEEEEEE-HAAAAWWW”

We all started laughing so hard. It was priceless and something I never want to forget.

My Baby is 11 today!!!

Today my baby boy, Mr. Athletic turns 11. This year is really special because his birthday falls exactly like it did the year he was born. He was born on a Monday, the day after Easter. I went into Labor with him on Saturday, the night before Easter. Because Easter is a moving holiday, this is the first time that Easter has fallen the day before his birthday. This will only happen again two more times. The next time will be on his 22nd birthday in 2020 and the final time will be on his 95th birthday in 2093.  I hope he is still around to celebrate that one!!!

This year was also extra special because he appreciated his birthday and presents so much more this year. I told him I couldn’t afford to get him a gift, so my gift to him was for him to watch me do his Saturday chores and he had to tell me what to do. He sure enjoyed watching me clean the bathroom sink, toilet, tub, and then clean the kitchen and do all the dishes. Then I moped the floor under his careful direction.  He didn’t complain when he thought that was all he was gonna get, he understood that money is tight.

Then I gave him the MP3 player we bought for him. His eyes nearly popped out of his head when he got it. I can’t tell you how many times he said “I love you mom!”  He just had so much fun this year, and that allowed all of us to have fun too. He loved the scavenger hunt from his Grandpa and Grandma V and found a basketball in the hoop (Getting it down was fun too). He also loved the baseball bat and glove he got from his Grandma and Grandpa T. And he had a blast at the restaurant he picked, Hooters.

Today he is spending the day with his dad and sisters. I miss him, but I am so proud of the little boy that I have. He is becoming an incredible man.

Tale of the Flying Tampon

You always know your about to get an earful from your kids when they start the conversation with “Mom, do you promise you won’t get mad?”

I was asked such a question from my middle daughter Baby Girl as I was driving to the library yesterday.

I told her I couldn’t make any promises, but wanted to know what was on her mind.

Last weekend my husband asked the kids to clean out my car. As they were cleaning it out, my 11 yr old son came accross an emergency stash of tampons. He asked his older sisters (ages 12 and 13) how they work and why girls need them.

Having recently been through “the talk” my 12 yr old proceeds to explain to him what they are and how they help. Then she decides to demonstrate. She finds some liquid from an old drink the kids left in the car, and dips the tampon in, showing her brother how it soaks up the water and expands.

When the lesson was done, my son decided to throw the tampon out the window but missed the trash.

“THAWK” was the sound of the tampon as hit our neighbors car window and stuck there.

The kids noticed several minutes later as they looked up to find their demonstration tampon stuck to the neighbors car window drying in the sun.

My son immediately removed the tampon from their car and put it in the trash. The neighbor walked out not even 5 minutes later to go on an errand.