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Holes in the Walls


One thing I remember clearly growing up is having full blown holes in the walls of my house. I remember they got there because my father would get angry. I always associated those holes in our walls with his anger. They eventually got patched up, but most of the time, they left a mark on the house, and a rememberance of how they got there.

When Juggling Cats got his first apartment, I remember him shooting a b.b. gun at the walls in his apartment. It wasn’t long until there were gaping holes in the wall. He and his roomates found it hilarious. It rememinded me of anger, and I liked him a little less after seeing those holes.

When I married my first husband who was abusive, he also put holes in the wall. Usually the holes were put there when he banged my head against the wall. He also punched the wall instead of me if I moved fast enough. Those holes never got repaired, just covered up.

When I married Juggling Cats and we would fight, he put a few holes in the wall of our home. I finally explained to him how much I hated holes in the wall and what they meant to me. He stopped and hasn’t put a hole in the wall since, no matter how angry he gets at me. (Thanks hun!)

Recently I was speaking with a child who was talking about his mom and dad fighting all the time. He mentioned all the holes in the walls from their fighting and I was taken back to several memories of anger and abuse. It made me sad, and I wanted to reach out to this child, but my own fear and memories held me back. I have been thinking a lot about it though, and it makes me sad.


2 Responses

  1. No words for you hun just {{{{{{ }}}}}}

  2. I understand about associating the holes in the wall. With Greg it was yelling…I have a major problem with people yelling and it takes me back to when I was with Greg. I have spoken up about it though and stood my ground…even had former fellow employees give me a hard time about it, but still stood my ground. I don’t let anyone yell at me, I don’t care what it’s about…there is no reason for it.

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