No 80’s Monday

Today I am unable to even think about 80’s Monday. Reality is a little too much for me. I am more anxious about Baby Girl’s appt Tuesday than ever before. Normally before we have an appointment I can go and pick up a CD with the CT scan of Baby Girl’s pelvis and chest. Along with that is a report written by the radiologist and his or her final findings on the CT scan.

I have gotten pretty good at reading the medical mumbo jumbo on the report and usually I can tell when they are watching a tumor closely or if they have found no changes on her report. When I see there have been no changes I calm down considerably, knowing that the doctor has the final say, but usually he finds the same thing that the radiologist found.

Not this time.

This time they won’t even give me the report. They refuse to let me see it before hand. They keep telling me that it has been faxed into the doctor and he will have the report. They said if he doesn’t have the report he can call and it will be faxed right away. They refuse to let me see it. I am so freaked out right now I can’t even begin to tell you.

I sat down and looked at the CT scan, hoping there would be something, anything to re-assure me that all is OK with Baby Girl. Unfortunatly it freaked me out more. For some reason they did a CT of her liver function special, without a referral for it. It makes me wonder if they see something in there.

I am so freaked. I am so freaked. I am so freaked.

I have to remember to breathe and get through Monday. I have to find the strength somehow. I just want to know that everything is still OK. Please God, let my baby be OK.

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5 Responses

  1. I will be thinking of you today and praying that all goes well. Love you bunches! Melanie

  2. Oh honey!!! The fact that you haven’t posted since has me very worried. I hope that it was nothing but good news and that you can relax and breathe agian.

  3. Tina I am sitting here at the computer saying a prayer for you and your family right now. And Jan is right, some tests are performed at different times and are just routine for that time period. Love and light to you, hon.

  4. Oh T,

    I so feel for you. These visits are always a worry without aded anxiety of fearing changes. Try to be as calm as you can (easier said than done) ‘cos baby Girl will pick up on your anxiety. Take deep breaths and think positive.

    It could be just routine extra tests which they do periodically, or they may have changed their procedures for passing on information to each other – it may not be a negative reason. Keep the Faith.

    Huge hugs.
    I’ll be thinking about you.

  5. Ohh sweetie I wish I had the right words to say right now. All I have for you is prayers and wishes that all will be well. Take some time hug her extra tight and just try to enjoy things until Tuesday. I know it is easier said than done.

    We love you and are keeping you close

    Love all of the Polaski’s

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