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I thought jealousy is a form of love!

Domestic Violence Awareness

In this series of Domestic Violence Warning signs I want to make clear that your spouse may not display all of the signs that I am talking about. In fact, he may only display one of the signs. It doesn’t mean you are not a victim of Domestic Violence if he only has one or two of the characteristics. You are still a victim.

Today’s topic of Extreme jealousy, is something that I personally never experienced with my first husband. However, I have seen this behavior in another relationship I was in.

“Stevo” was a gangster from the South Side of Oakland CA. He was a transplant to the East Coast, possibly running from his past. I was a stupid teenager between relationships and he gave me the attention I craved. He was much older than me (I was 16 he was 26). He was dangerous. The danger of being with him made my heart race every time I saw him. I wanted to date him mostly to say “F*** You” to my parents who I was angry with.

The relationship went fast and furious. He called me his Lady and told me that being his Lady entitled me to privileges that other women would never know. I learned within a month how scary being his “Lady” could be.

As we grew closer he began questioning everything I did. He would see me at work and accuse me of being with or wanting every guy I worked with. I had to convince him that I only wanted to be with him daily. Then came accusations that came out of nowhere. I had to explain in detail every minute of where I was. He would then say that he saw me with a guy in my car at a certain intersection at a certain time of the day. I knew I was somewhere else and I would have to explain myself.

See he fit the characteristics of an abuser. This character is someone who becomes extremely jealous. He makes accusations that seem to come from nowhere. It doesn’t take long for him to make an accusation in any situation.

“Stevo” soon would accuse every move I made. If I used feminine hygene products he would accuse me of cheating on him. If I brushed my hair differently he would accuse me of cheating. If I wore a short skirt he accused me of making men want me. If I didn’t want to have sex… than for sure I had someone on the side that I was sleeping with… or he thought. I couldn’t do anything to please him in any way.

I decided that I didn’t want to live in a cage the rest of my life, and I left. I was lucky that the break was fairly clean. He followed me and stalked me for only about 6 months after I left him. When I look back at that, I know God had his hand on me protecting me. Things could have gone much worse. Plus, I fell in love with the man I am married to now during that 6 month time.

If any of this sounds familiar, or something you may be experiencing, please get help. Get away. I think Stevo could have been much more dangerous in the long run than my first husband. You could easily be killed. Do it for you. You are strong enough. If you want to talk, please feel free to leave a comment. I will email you and talk to you.

If you think you may be a victim of Domestic Violence, please click the picture at the top of this post. Or you may call

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
1-800-787-3224 (TTY)

2 Responses

  1. I have to agree with you Corby. I know that abuse affects the family of the victim a lot. They want to help and sometimes all they can do is stand back and watch, or listen to the anger and helplessness of the victim.

    Thanks for you comment. I can hear crickets on most of these posts.

  2. I like your blog and how you are bringing these things out. Good Job! I feel that the problem of domestic violence goes far beyound the home where it occurs, it also drags other family members into the fray who often become the target of the abused person to vent there anger and frustrations at. That coupled with the horrors of living in a dysfunctional relationship can really cause years of greif when it is finally over. A knife can cut you to the bone, but words can burn all the way into your soul.

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