I thought he wanted to protect me…

Domestic Violence Awareness

Another warning sign of an abuser is that he becomes overly protective. Many victims of Domestic Violence have already been in an abusive relationship in their childhood or teen years. They are looking for someone to protect them. A victim may initially be drawn to the abuser because of his willingness to protect her from the world.

Abusers initially offer protection to their victims. They comfort them and promise that no one will hurt them again. Soon they begin checking in and making sure everything is OK. This lulls the victim initially into thinking that he really cares for her and wants to protect her. It starts becoming a problem when the victim can no longer leave home or has to explain every thing she does every day. When she no longer has the freedom to be herself and go to a store without questions.

I remember one day we planned to visit my grandmother 75 miles away. Before we left, L took his elderly parents out to the store to get groceries with them. He ended up taking longer than when we were supposed to leave. I waited over two hours past the time we were to leave for him to get back. He never showed up, or called, or let me know what he was doing. (this was a time before cell phones)

I decided that I would take the kids and go down there and spend time with my grandmother who was waiting for us, and leave L a note to tell him where I went. I didn’t do it maliciously or with the intent to upset him. I was thinking more that I didn’t want to upset my grandma.

When I got to my grandmothers home, L called me. He was furious that I left without him. He couldn’t believe that I could or would drive to her home alone. He didn’t like it at all that I was there without him. The whole time I was at my grandmother’s that day he made sure I stayed on the phone with him. He had me crying, upset, shaking, nervous to go home. I never was able to visit with my grandma. I had to keep the phone off the hook so he could hear me talking with her and hear everything we had to say.

I finally left, shaken, and crying. When I got home he made sure I would never do that again to him. He made sure I remembered and never forgot that lesson.

If this sounds familiar in a relationship you or someone you love may be in, please know that protection is nice, but over-protection is a sign that things may not be right.

If you think you may be a victim of Domestic Violence, please click the picture at the top of this post. Or you may call

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
1-800-787-3224 (TTY)

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2 Responses

  1. Wow…
    That is too much…

    love too much become control~
    just like life in jail.

  2. Great article. I’ve been in that situation before too with my first husband. People often ask why I stayed in the relationship as long as I did, I have no real answers. For me the love had disipated long ago. It’s strange looking back – once you break free, it’s a feeling freedom that’s unexplainable. A peace of mind is worth it all! I recently wrote a riddle that touched on exactly what you’re speaking of here. Nothing happens by chance. I think my oldest daughter may be facing some of this – or about to. He’s way too controlling. Hides keys so she can’t get out the house, broke her lap top so she wouldn’t get on the internet. I’m blessed that you have awakened me to how I used to feel, and I need to pray on the words to say to her. Please keep her in your prayers. Peace, Light and Love, CordieB.

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