Domestic Violence

I am going to spend the next several weeks writing about domestic violence. I was a victim of domestic violence with my first husband, “L”. I escaped with my children and the clothes on back. Literally. No one really believed me, and still to this day I think some members of my family believe I am telling stories about it.

Many women find themselves in this situation. The lucky ones make it out. There have been many families in our local news where the husband has killed the family and then himself.

My wake up call was when a teacher that I worked with at Head Start was murdered by her husband who died three days later after committing suicide. The night she died I was on my way to a potluck that she and her family would be at. L was following behind me and I accidently rear-ended the car in front of me who stopped suddenly. L jumped out of his car and the first words out of his mouth were

“You stupid bitch, you ruined our van”

He didn’t care about the kids or my well being.

Then 2 days later I found out that my co-worker was killed by her husband. I had to teach one of the 3 children they left behind the following year in my class. I vowed I would not let it happen to me or my children.

It was then that I realized that I needed to leave. I was not safe. I began making plans to leave. Every attempt I made L would call the police and tell them I stole his car. When I tried to talk to him civilly about leaving he would tell me that if I left him he would not let me take the kids. He said if I took the kids he would tell the police I was kidnapping them. If we were fighting and I attempted to leave he would choke me until my face was purple and dig his nails into the veins in my neck. Sometimes he would yank my by my hair and throw me to the ground and kick me until I begged him over and over to stop.

I did leave him 6 months later. At first I left without the kids until I learned my legal rights. Then I went back and got my kids and moved 2000 miles away. The bastard followed me here. He even applied to work at my company. He didn’t get the job, luckily.

I have been having nightmares about the 8 years I was with him. I need to heal. I want to help anyone in a similar situation. This is my way of healing my past.

To my regular readers, please bear with me the next few weeks. I will get back to my normal writing. I promise. I have to do this for now. I will go over all the signs of a domestic abuser.

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10 Responses

  1. Thanks for sharing your experiences and hopefully helping others to leave before it’s too late, and maybe helping their families to believe them…

  2. We have had two cases of murdur suicide this week in the city where I live. In one case, the children were also murdered. Victims of domestic abuse need to be removed from the relationship, sometimes against their will, for the safety of the children. It is sad how we know things are not going to get better, but remain in situations sometimes. I am so happy that you have been redeemed dear Sky, as well as myself. I’ve read the articles from latest to this one, so I’ve caught up. I look forward to reading them, as I realize I’m not completely healed either – hearing your words help. It’s been over 16 years, and some of the scars remain. Thanks for sharing – as I don’t really talk about it because I no of no one who has admittedly gone through it. Thank you sooooooo much. I’d like to link your articles to two of my riddles which touch on this, if you don’t mind.

    Blessings to you and yours. . . . keep smiling and keep your head to the sky!

  3. It is so sad and such a shame that this goes on in so many homes. I dont know if you remember me asking you after Elisa was born if you would ever leave L. You told me no. At that point I was afraid for you. But then six or seven years later you did it. I had a feeling about him from the start, he reminded me to much of my abuser. I am glad we were both able to find the strength in our selves and move on.

    Cheers to you

    I love you

  4. This is such an awful thing to have happened to you – or to happen to anyone. I’m sorry you had this experience but I am so proud that you are helping others. You’re inspirational.

    Hugs.

  5. I’m sorry you had to go through that with your first husband and I’m proud that you are using this blog as a way to reach people. My Mother and I were just discussing this last night…how so many women and children live with this every day. My Father was very abusive to my mother, and any other woman in his life so I understand all about domestic violence.

  6. I believed you… I wasn’t physically abused, but mentally and emotionally and it took me a long time to build my self esteem back up again, but have managed to block a lot of things out of that time in my life…I don’t remember much about Karaly from the time she was born until the I left him when she was 2. I am glad you are writing about this.

  7. One of the things I’m most proud of you for is that you have never tried to teach the kids to hate their father, but you have taught all the kids about violence and abuse, what is acceptable contact between people and what is unacceptable.

    I am most proud of your determination not to let them learn abuse from their environment, not to let them think of it as natural or normal. Instead you have taught them love and tolerance and patience and caring.

    For all you have been a wonderful wife to me I love how you’ve been such a great mom to the kids.

  8. Great topic, not the most popular, but should be talked about more any way. Thank you. 😐

  9. I am so sorry for what you went through in your first marriage. I am proud of you for using all that pain to try and help other women avoid it for themselves.

    {{{{ blessings }}}}

  10. […] Ted West: The Naked Conservative – Vox wrote an interesting post today on Domestic ViolenceHere’s a quick excerptDomestic Violence Posted on May 7, 2008 by skywindows I am going to spend the next several weeks writing about domestic violence. I was a victim of domestic violence with my first husband, β€œL”. I escaped with my children and the clothes on back. Literally. No one really believed me, and still to this day I think some members of my family believe I am telling stories about it. Many women find themselves in this situation. The lucky ones make it out. There have been many families in our local […]

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